Tag Archives: wine writing

The blog’s seventh annual do-it-yourself wine review — because no matter how much we hope otherwise, wine remains entirely too pompous

The do-it-yourself wine review has long been one of my favorite blog features, allowing me to prick wine’s pomposity, get some humor on the site, and pretend I know how to use HTML.

This year: Four rose wine reviews, and yes, I sort of stole most of the answers from actual reviews. As always, thanks to Al Yellon, since I stole the idea from him all those years ago.

This year, you’ll need to go to the old website to enjoy the post, since Substack doesn’t allow the necessary coding. So follow this link, and then click the drop-down menu and choose your favorite line.

This California rose:
is one of the best ingredients for the good life!tilts towards lighter pink on the rose spectrum — and who knew there was a rose spectrum?tastes like a red when you close your eyes.pops with acidity. But it doesn’t snap or crackle.

This French rose:
is just like candy, and leaves you wanting more — 90 points!is an invigorating combination of dust and pink — 90 points!has three celebrity names on the back label — 90 points!reminds me of shards of cut stone — 90 points!

This Italian rose:
featured aromas of grilled herbs and camphor. Ewwww.is informal, so I only called it by its first name.shows pollen, but I didn’t see any dead bees.had lots of boisterous aromas, so I gave it a time out.

This Spanish rose:
tasted exactly like the California rose, but it did have bull on the label.is supposed to be very rare, which is a good thing since it stinks.has flavors of crushed granite and pepper — yum, yum.was orange. How can a rose be orange?

More do-it-yourself wine reviews:
• The sixth do-it-yourself wine review
• The fifth do-it-yourself wine review
• The fourth do-it-yourself wine review