Tag Archives: wine humor

Five things not to say about wine this holiday season


There but for the grace of of the wine gods. …

The holidays are fraught with peril for wine drinkers, and especially for anyone who is intimidated by all the wine drinking going on. Which, truth to tell, is more of us than most of us care to admit. Or, as one 20-something woman asked me during a Cheap Wine book signing (shamless plug alert!), “Is it OK if I bring this $5 wine to a party? Will people make fun of me?”

Hence this guide, because we don’t want to embarrass any of our fellow wine drinkers. Because there but for the grace of the wine gods. …

1. “I can’t believe you’re drinking sweet wine.” Some of the best wine in the world is sweet — rieslings, whether from Germany, New York or elsewhere, and dessert wines, including the $550 French Chateau d’Yquem. Yes, pink moscato or red raspberry is not highly rated by the Winestream Media, but who are they to judge? After all, don’t they believe in the magical gateway wine?

2. “I used to buy that, and then I learned more about wine.” This actually happened to me. A guy I knew saw I was buying an ordinary French red, and said I should buy his French red. Which I did, and it was a waste of money — more expensive and not any better. I learned an important lesson that day about wine and peer pressure. Which is to ignore it.

3. “I just bought a bunch of 92-point wines, and they were only $30 each — such a deal.” Any wine that costs more than $15, given the foolishness of points, should score 92 points. At least. In fact, given the rampant score inflation that has apparently going on over the past couple of years, anyone who spends $30 a bottle for a 92-point wine shouldn’t be bragging about it. They should be consulting the $10 Hall of Fame.

4. “Texas wine? Haven’t they given up on that yet?” You can substitute your local wine region here, but the sentiment is the same. Despite all of the progress we have made, too many wine drinkers, wine critics, and wine snobs still insist they know best about regional wine because they didn’t enjoy the glass they had when Jimmy Carter was president.

5. “The last time I was in Napa, I had the most amazing wine. … ” Wine travel snobbery is among the worst, implying that the only amazing wines can be found by people rich or lucky enough to go where the wine is made. This is obviously not true; the Wine Curmudgeon has found some amazing wines digging around the closeout bin at his local Italian wine specialist. Which is 10 minutes from my house with free parking.


Wine comedy, and why I wish more of it was funny

This year, I wanted to do more silly stuff on the blog — after all, wine is supposed to be fun. The Winestream Media is almost always deadly serious, and even I fall into that rut more than I should. So the do-it-yourself wine review and the April Fool’s Day post were my attempts to lighten things up.

Unfortunately, though I can write funny, it’s not easy. Rob Petrie I’m not. So I have been searching the Internet for wine humor to use once a month or so, but with very uneven results. This Mel Brooks bit isn’t especially funny (the wine stuff starts at the 6:40 mark), and I didn’t think it was possible for Mel Brooks not to be funny.

The problem, as wine humorist William Tish told me, is that most wine comedy “is just the same old, same old. How many times or ways can you make fun of snobbery?” And Tish is right — that’s the theme in most of what I found, whether a skit in the Tamil language, a couple of Australian comics, or a marginally tasteful “gay men know best about wine” video.

What does it say about wine that people around the world, regardless of any other cultural differences, make fun of the same things about wine? We are entirely too serious, aren’t we?

So I’m stuck — either beat my head on the keyboard in the hope I can write something funny, which defeats the purpose of what I’m trying to do with humor, or keep scouring the Internet in the hopes something Cleese-like will show up.

Any thoughts, as well as wine humor from blog visitors, are welcome. Send me an email or leave a comment. We need to have more fun around here.

For more on wine and comedy:
What’s wrong with the wine business: Cartoon edition
“Am I boring you?”
“Wine writers — donkeys that most of them are”
“You won’t show this, will you? I’m a wine merchant.”

The ultimate do-it-yourself wine review

Tired of the Winestream Media and tasting notes that make no sense at all? Tired of the Wine Curmudgeon whining about the Winestream Media and its heavy handed ways?

Then write your own wine review. It ?s fun and easy ? just click on the drop-down menus and you ?re set. Those of you who get the blog via email or on Facebook may have to go the website — just click here to do so.

I bought this wine at the

I wasn’t sure what to buy, so I bought


The wine tasted like

I’m not sure if I liked the wine, because

Still, I guess I’m supposed to give the wine a score, so it gets

A tip o’ the Wine Curmudgeon’s fedora to Al Yellon at the baseball blog Bleed Cubbie Blue, who gave me the idea for this and has to write about the Cubs every day. He has my sympathy.

The wine geek quiz

image from www.greekmythology.comWine types love to write posts that celebrate their geekiness, and a Google search turns up any number of "You know you're a wine geek when. …" efforts.

This is not one of those. Rather, in the Wine Curmudgeon's on-going effort to offer perspective to an industry that spends way too much time navel gazing, here is a quiz anyone can take to find out if they are, in fact, a wine geek. Which may or may not be a good thing.

Like I said, it's all about perspective. The questions and scoring rules are after the jump (and no, you don't get any points for knowing that the picture is Dionysius, the Greek god of wine and the first wine geek). Feel free to leave your score in the comments:

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