The Wine Curmudgeon’s eighth annual, Do-it-yourself New Year’s wine resolutions 2021. Because, Dry January — and who knew it would ever be a thing?
Just click on the drop-down menus and select your wine resolutions 2021 for the new year. Those who get the blog via email or RSS may need to click this link to go the blog to use the menus. (As always, thanks to Al Yellon, since I stole the idea from him.)
In 2021, my wine buying will:
In 2021, I’ll try different kinds of wines:
In 2021, I’ll pay more attention to wine and health:
Who needs the holidays to have fun drinking wine when you can sip bubbly in a blanket fort?
1. Make a blanket fort in your living room, chill a bottle of sparkling wine, and spend the evening with your significant other. What better way to end 2020?
2. Drink a bottle of regional wine. This especially applies to those of you who have never tasted regional wine, but know it’s terrible because it’s regional wine and therefore you don’t need to taste it.
Can Kirk make the Federation safe for $10 wine by destroying the Cheap Wine Eater?
The Doomsday Machine, better known to the crew of the USS Enterprise as the Cheap Wine Eater, is trying to premiumize every wine in the Federation. Fortunately for wine drinkers from Vulcan to Rigel to Tellar, James Tiberius Kirk has a plan — overload the impulse engines on the damaged USS Constellation to destroy the Cheap Wine Eater.
This parody comes from “The Doomsday Machine,” the sixth episode of the second season of the original series. It has many of the bits that made “Star Trek” so much fun — a plot lifted from great literature (in this case, “Moby Dick”); an over the top performance by guest star William Windom, who does Ahab via Humphrey Bogart in “The Caine Mutiny;” Scotty in a Jefferies tube; and William Shatner’s impeccable Kirk, wearing his green wraparound tunic instead of the standard uniform top. And I can hear Kirk saying, “Premium-eye-zation” just the way he says, “Civil-eye-zation,” with that touch of a Canadian accent.
My apologies to all in the cast featured here, as well as to the late Star Trek impresario Gene Roddenberry. A tip o’ the WC’s fedora to Mike Leo on YouTube, where I found the original scene, as well as Star Trek Transcripts, which has the original dialogue. And all silliness like this owes a debt to WineParody, whose Robert Parker epic is the standard by which these efforts are judged.
Make sure you turn captions on when you watch the video; you can make the captions bigger or change their color by clicking on the settings gear on the lower right.
Churro, the blog’s associate editor, contributed to this post
This wine premiumization meme is for you, wine business — enjoy
The blog’s wine meme survey has looked at why young people don’t like wine, the three-tier system, and trolling the cyber-ether for people who disagree with you. So how have we missed premiumization?
Until now, that is: The ultimate wine premiumization meme.
Of all wine’s problems — and there are entirely too many to mention — premiumization may be the one that makes me the craziest. Case in point: I got an email the other day touting a $25 gruner veltliner, a white wine from Austria. Check Wine-Searcher, though, and there are dozens of gruners in Austria that cost €4 or €5. How did an everyday wine in Europe become a luxury in the U.S.?
As a friend noted the other day: “We can moan and complain about wine prices all we want, but this is what it comes down to in the end: a $25 bottle of gruner. On sale. Is it any wonder hard seltzer is all the rage?”
So this wine premiumization meme is for you, wine business. Enjoy.
Photo courtesy of OME Gear using a Creative Commons license