Tag Archives: wine humor

Halloween wine tales 2018

halloween wine taleNo Halloween wine tale for 2018. But you can read the previous six and enjoy. Because who else can combine wine, classic characters, and Halloween?

A Halloween wine tale 2017: Dr. Who
A Halloween wine tale 2016: Kolchak: The Wine Stalker
A Halloween wine tale 2015: I am Legend
A Halloween wine tale 2014: Frankenstein
A Halloween wine tale 2013: Dracula

podcast

“Australian table wines” – because those of us who love wine need a good laugh these days

Monty Python’s “Australian table wines” reminds us the wine business has always been worth a giggle or two

Perspective is all in wine, so that with all is going on around us, this 1972 Monty Python sketch called “Australian table wine,” in which every wine cliché that makes us crazy was making people crazy then, too. Welsh claret, anyone?

The bit is from the group’s third album, “Monty Python’s Previous Record,” dating to a time when comedy records were hugely popular. In fact, owning Python’s 1973 “Matching Tie and Handkerchief” was about as cool as it got for a certain group of young men 45 years ago.

The Pythons didn’t do “Australian table wines” on the TV series, so there is only audio. But it’s more than worth listening to the entire 1:38, and not just for the wine bits. It also points out how the Pythons loved to send up Australians. Right, Bruce? How could anyone not appreciate a wine called Melbourne Old & Yellow, “Another good fighting wine … which is particularly heavy and should be used only for hand-to-hand combat.”

Audio courtesy of Monty Python-Topic, via YouTube.

Corks: The most dangerous wine closure in the world

Watch this video, and you’ll understand how dangerous corks are

The Wine Curmudgeon will make no other comment on the following, other than this: “This young man would not have nearly blown up his kitchen if all wines had screwcaps.”

The complete story is here, via BuzzFeed. Lawrence Guo of San Leandro, Calif., wanted to open a bottle of rose, but his corkscrew broke. Disaster then ensued. He tried opening the bottle with a lighter, similar to a video he had seen on YouTube (and which we have detailed here).

When that didn’t work, he used the flame on a gas stove. The results were, in Guo’s words, disastrous – “we could have died,” he said. The bottle shattered, glass flew everywhere, and Guo and his friend were lucky to avoid injury.

He offers a lengthy explanation about what went wrong, quoting thermal shock, molecular vapor expansion, and vapor pressure. But we know the real reason.

Corks.

“We tried everything we could to open it, but the cork wouldn’t budge,” Guo told Buzzfeed. “I would advise to wear some better protective gear covering vital body parts if this were to be replicated.”

None of which you need with a screwcap.

Five things the WC’s wine refrigerator has in common with the French presidential wine cellar

presidential wine cellar

The WC’s wine fridge is always open to the public.

Who says you have to have a presidential wine cellar to show off your wine collection?

The wine cellar in France’s presidential palace welcomed the public for the first time in its 71-year history over the weekend. This is a big deal, given that France has long been held as the world’s greatest wine producing country. And how many wine aficionados would want to see how the cellar’s 14,000 bottles reflected that?

But who says you have to have a presidential wine cellar to show off your wine collection? “Voulez-vous un verre de Bogle sauvignon blanc, Monsieur le Président? Ou peut-être un verre de Texas tempranillo?”

Hence, five things my wine refrigerator has in common with the French presidential wine cellar.

1. One quarter of the cellar’s bottles are from Burgundy, while half are from Bordeaux. I used to have a bottle of Bordeaux in the wine fridge, and actually have two bottles of white Burgundy in it now.

2. Among the bottles in the cellar are Cheval Blanc, Latour and Puligny-Montrachet, as well as a 1906 Sauternes. I visited Cheval Blanc during my epic Bordeaux adventure, sampled a terrific Latour at a trade tasting many years ago, and the Big Guy and I drink Puligny with some regularity. Plus, I enjoyed a glass of Sauternes (not 1906, however) in May during a half-price restaurant promotion.

3. Some 1,200 bottles were auctioned from the cellar in 2013. I have given away not quite that many bottles (samples, mostly) to friends and dinner guests, as well as to plumbers, electricians, and the like in exchange for work around the house.

4. French President Emmanuel Macron is apparently a wine geek who fared well in a recent blind tasting. Plus, he drinks wine with lunch and dinner. I drink wine with dinner, but not as often at lunch as I would like. And, despite my incredible wine geekiness, I am a notoriously bad blind taster.

5. This weekend’s guests will be shown a gold-engraved 2000 vintage of Mouton Rothschild and a 2004 Chateau Margaux. I have never seen bottles from those producers, let alone tasted them. But I have heard of them.

“Initials? We don’t need no stinkin’ initials”

Bogey finds out what it’s like to deal with sommeliers — and they don’t need no stinkin’ initials

What happens when Bogey meets a group of sommeliers in the Mexican wilderness? It’s not pretty — and especially since they don’t need no stinkin’ initials.

My apologies to John Huston and Humphrey Bogart (as well as to anyone else who loves film) for doing this to “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.” A tip o’ the WC’s fedora to Wayne Belding, MS, who gave me the idea, as well as to WineParody, whose Robert Parker epic is the standard by which these efforts are judged.

Make sure you turn captions on when you watch the video; you can make the captions bigger or change their color by clicking on the settings gear on the lower right. Also, MovieClips, which allowed me to use the scene, may insert advertising or other content that I’m not responsible for.

Silly wine advice: “I would pair this with a nice microwavable macaroni and cheese”

Sometimes, all we can do is laugh and be glad for silly wine advice

Hence, this fine effort from HelloGiggles on Youtube, which pretty much sums up what the rest of the world thinks about wine drinkers. Call it silly wine advice from the masses.

My other favorite part? The spitting when the woman finds out how much the wine costs. Which, come to think of it, also happens in the wine world — or at least it happens when I read the tasting notes and see what the wine costs. Do you think I can get my own show on the Food Network?

More about wine and humor:
Birthday card wine wisdom
Nine silly wine facts
Redd’s Wicked Apple: “Let’s make fun of wine”

“So simple, so cheap:” Home-made apple wine

Home-made apple wine: “A perfectly passable table wine.”

There are any number of reasons to love this video from BrewTube — the narrator’s English accent, the addition of oak chips to the fermenting apple juice, and his conclusion: “A perfectly passable table wine.” The bravest among you might want to try this and let me know about the passable part.

I post this for a couple of reasons. First, my El Centro class ended this week, and one of the highlights this year — as it is every year — is the anecdote about making wine from orange juice. I always start the first lecture with the orange juice story: If you want to make wine, take a bottle of orange juice, put it in the back of the refrigerator, and you’ll get wine in a couple of weeks.

The wine may not be very good, but it is wine since the sugar has been converted to alcohol. More importantly, it demonstrates that winemaking is more than just the technical stuff. Not a lot of terroir in fermented orange juice. There’s also the bit about the student who had been in prison, and had done this in his cell, but that’s a story for another day.

Second, because I once tried making wine at home, using grape juice and the method in this video. The less said, the better, other than to note I had to dump 64 ounces of moldy grape juice down the sink.