Can Kirk make the Federation safe for $10 wine by destroying the Cheap Wine Eater?
The Doomsday Machine, better known to the crew of the USS Enterprise as the Cheap Wine Eater, is trying to premiumize every wine in the Federation. Fortunately for wine drinkers from Vulcan to Rigel to Tellar, James Tiberius Kirk has a plan — overload the impulse engines on the damaged USS Constellation to destroy the Cheap Wine Eater.
This parody comes from “The Doomsday Machine,” the sixth episode of the second season of the original series. It has many of the bits that made “Star Trek” so much fun — a plot lifted from great literature (in this case, “Moby Dick”); an over the top performance by guest star William Windom, who does Ahab via Humphrey Bogart in “The Caine Mutiny;” Scotty in a Jefferies tube; and William Shatner’s impeccable Kirk, wearing his green wraparound tunic instead of the standard uniform top. And I can hear Kirk saying, “Premium-eye-zation” just the way he says, “Civil-eye-zation,” with that touch of a Canadian accent.
My apologies to all in the cast featured here, as well as to the late Star Trek impresario Gene Roddenberry. A tip o’ the WC’s fedora to Mike Leo on YouTube, where I found the original scene, as well as Star Trek Transcripts, which has the original dialogue. And all silliness like this owes a debt to WineParody, whose Robert Parker epic is the standard by which these efforts are judged.
Make sure you turn captions on when you watch the video; you can make the captions bigger or change their color by clicking on the settings gear on the lower right.
Churro, the blog’s associate editor, contributed to this post
This wine premiumization meme is for you, wine business — enjoy
The blog’s wine meme survey has looked at why young people don’t like wine, the three-tier system, and trolling the cyber-ether for people who disagree with you. So how have we missed premiumization?
Until now, that is: The ultimate wine premiumization meme.
Of all wine’s problems — and there are entirely too many to mention — premiumization may be the one that makes me the craziest. Case in point: I got an email the other day touting a $25 gruner veltliner, a white wine from Austria. Check Wine-Searcher, though, and there are dozens of gruners in Austria that cost €4 or €5. How did an everyday wine in Europe become a luxury in the U.S.?
As a friend noted the other day: “We can moan and complain about wine prices all we want, but this is what it comes down to in the end: a $25 bottle of gruner. On sale. Is it any wonder hard seltzer is all the rage?”
So this wine premiumization meme is for you, wine business. Enjoy.
Photo courtesy of OME Gear using a Creative Commons license
Churro, left, and the Wine Curmudgeon want the blog to reach even more young consumers.
Churro, the new member of the Wine Curmudgeon blog, will help the WC extend his cheap wine mantra to younger consumers
Churro, an 11-month-old Chihuahua mix, has joined the blog as an associate editor. He’ll help Wine Curmudgeon Jeff Siegel in his continual quest to convince younger consumers that wine can be cheap and fun.
“Everyone knows that that the wine business doesn’t understand young people,” says Siegel, proprietor of the world-famous Wine Curmudgeon blog. “Now, with a younger voice and palate — as well as a keen sense to help me sniff out new and exciting wines — the blog will appeal even more to young people. Churro and I will be able to show them that wine is a lot more fun than hard seltzer, and not just something for their parents and grandparents.”
Churro, from suburban Dallas, was among the dozen or so applicants for the job, and was easily the most qualified. “He’s really the only one I talked to who thought wine should be fun and not be about winespeak or scores or initials after your name,” says Siegel.
“I can’t tell you what an honor it will be to work with someone who cares about wine as much as the Wine Curmudgeon does,” says Churro. “He wants to help people enjoy wine as much as he enjoys it, and that’s something that’s rare to find in the wine business these days. Mostly they want to sell you overpriced wine and don’t care about much else.”
No word yet on whether Churro will wear a hat. He did say he was excited to use an Asus eee netbook running Lubuntu to write and edit for the blog, since he says Linux as the future of the computing world.
“I don’t smell like wine. I smell like cherry and a hint of oak.”
Comedian Grant Lyon understands something about wine humor that most don’t — how to make wine humor funny.
We’ve discussed many times on the blog why most wine humor is so sad — that it depends on cliches and stereotypes that weren’t funny then and aren’t funny now. Lyons found a way to twist the cliches with this bit, about getting stopped by a cop while coming home from a wine tasting. Plus, he knows not to belabor the point, moving on to something else after getting his laughs. Would that this video and this video could say the same.
I’m really going to have to practice if I ever hope to write as well as this.
The blog’s sixth annual do-it-yourself wine review — what better way to enjoy the duration than to poke fun at wine?
Technology keeps threatening to make wine reviews obsolete, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still revel in the snobbish gibberish that has made them infamous. Hence, the blog’s sixth annual do-it-yourself wine review.
So write your own wine review, using the drop-down menus in this post. Just click the menu and choose your favorite line. Those of you who get the blog via email may have to go to the website — click here to do so.
As always, thanks to Al Yellon, since I stole the idea from him. This year, the format is a little different — reviews of four wines. A special tip of the WC’s fedora to those who contributed classic lines.
“Let me finish this glass, and I’ll see if I can find that Boston doctor thing. It has to be around here somewhere.”
What better way to idle away the hours than with a do-it-yourself “wine during the duration” post?
The blog’s annual do-it-yourself posts are some of its most popular: the do-it-yourself wine New Year’s resolutions and wine review. They allow us to skewer wine’s pomposity and, if I’ve done a good job, offer a few giggles. So why not a do-it-yourself “wine during the duration” post?
So take a look at these suggestions for spending your time with wine during the duration. Use the drop-down menus, click the answer, and choose your favorite line. And keep in mind that some people think drinking wine during the duration, including a certain Boston doctor, will kill us sooner rather than later.
Those of you who get the blog via email may have to go to the website — click here to do so. As always, thanks to Al Yellon, since I stole the do-it-yourself idea from him.
The first thing I did after I had to stay at home was to:
My duration buying patterns have changed:
My duration drinking patterns have changed:
The biggest wine problem I’ve had during the duration has been: