Wine types love to write posts that celebrate their geekiness, and a Google search turns up any number of "You know you're a wine geek when. ..." efforts.
This is not one of those. Rather, in the Wine Curmudgeon's on-going effort to offer perspective to an industry that spends way too much time navel gazing, here is a quiz anyone can take to find out if they are, in fact, a wine geek. Which may or may not be a good thing.
Like I said, it's all about perspective. The questions and scoring rules are after the jump (and no, you don't get any points for knowing that the picture is Dionysius, the Greek god of wine and the first wine geek). Feel free to leave your score in the comments:
a. How the sugar in grape juice is converted into alcohol.
b. Something that has to do with how wine is made.
c. That new band with the really hot singer.
2. On Thursday afternoon, you're:
a. Planning the wines you'll serve with dinner on Saturday night.
b. Deciding whether to stop at the store to get a bottle of wine on the way home from work.
c. Getting drunk.
3. Mel Brooks is coming for dinner. You:
a. Scour the wine cellar to find the bottle of Burgundy you've been laying down for a special occasion.
b. Ask the guy at the liquor store to recommend a really nice bottle of wine.
c. Wonder why Mel Brooks is laying down with a bottle of Burgundy.
4. You hold a wine glass:
a. By the stem.
b. In your hand.
c. Do those plastic go-cups count?
5. When you watch the Frasier TV episode, "Whine Club," you're:
a. Impressed with how accurately it depicts wine.
b. A little bored. Is everyone who likes wine this much of a snob?
c. Confused. Wasn't Frasier the bald guy on "Cheers"?
6. You're cleaning the kitchen, and find an old bottle of wine crammed in the back of a cupboard.
a. "I can't drink this. It's obviously oxidized."
b. "Let me me open this and see what it tastes like."
c. "Oh boy -- free wine."
7. Tasting notes are:
a. Concise, descriptive explanations of what a wine tastes like.
b. Baffling. How can wine taste like leather and cigar boxes?
c. Funny. Dude, who makes this stuff up?
8. The top wine regions in the world are:
a. Bordeaux and Napa, obviously.
b. How do I decide? There are so many of them.
c. What's a wine region?
9. A friend brings a bottle of wine to your house.
a. "Thank you. It's not what I normally drink, but I'm sure it will be fine."
b. "Thank you. Let's open this now and see what it tastes like."
c. "Oh boy -- free wine."
10. The best wine is:
a. Cult wine that is hand produced by artisanal winemakers that scores in the high 90s.
b. Wine that I like.
c. Free wine.
How to score the quiz:
Every "a" answer is worth 4 points, every "b" answer is worth 2 points, and every "c" answer is worth 1 point.
What your totals mean:
• 35-40 points: Why are you wasting your time reading this? You should be at the en primeur tasting in Bordeaux.
• 28-34 points: Your wine knowledge is impressive; the wine geek is strong in you.
• 20-27 points: Not bad. But beware of the dark side.
• 10-19 points: Were you looking for the frat boy beer blog?